Tuesday, June 11, 2013

A Post About Lurlene McDaniel Who Is So Awesome

Lurlene McDaniel, probably











Back, almost ten years ago, when I was still writing The Newsletter for the CEO of Cubicle 3-10, I was obsessed with Lurlene McDaniel. "Who is Lurlene McDaniel?" you might be asking. I'm so glad you asked in my imagination. Lurlene McDaniel is a writer of books for teens. You might know her by her books Six Months to Live; Mother, Please Don't Die; Too Young to Die; and Sixteen and Dying. In other words, ALL DEATH, ALL THE TIME.

"Wow, that sounds pretty morbid," you're definitely saying right now. "I only like to read books where baskets of kittens find homes or happy schoolchildren learn how to share." Well, then I don't know what you're doing at my blog. But I was going through my old newsletter files last night and found all of my Lurlene McDaniel fangirl posts and thought it was time I got them out again. Because if you're not part of the Lurlene McDaniel Appreciation Society, then it's time to remedy that real quick. Also, she has written so many additional jolly books and I wanted to add some of them to my list, along with a few title suggestions I came up with myself. My suggestions are marked with an asterisk. An asterisk OF DEATH.

LONG LIVE LURLENE MCDANIEL. 

Someone Dies, Someone Lives
Mother, Help Me Live
Sixteen and Dying
Baby Alicia is Dying
So Is Pre-Teen Tabitha*
Why Did She Have to Die?
Don’t Die, My Love
She Died Too Young
She Died in a Comedic Pratfall Gone Awry*
A Rose for Melinda (Who I'm assuming eventually died)
Till Death Do Us Part
The Girl Death Left Behind
The Girl Death Saw Naked by Accident*
Cut Down in Her Youth By Death’s Cruel Sickle*
Lifted Up by Angels
Angel of Mercy
Angel of Hope
Angel of Ill-Timed Morbidity*
Telling Christina Goodbye
Saying Hello to My Little Friend*
Until Angels Close My Eyes
Until Angels Steal My Wallet*
For Better, for Worse, Forever
Time to Let Go 
No, Seriously, Let Go: This "You Dying" Thing is Getting Old*


Bonus. Here is an excerpt of some fan fiction I wrote.

She Was Just Too Fat to Live
by someone who is not Lurlene McDaniel

The doctor looked deep into Becky’s eyes. “You’re dying, Becky. You have...” He paused, his eyes moistening with emotion. “You have three days to live.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” Becky cried. “I have so much to live for. I’m so young. Why me? Why meeeeeee?”

“I also think it is probably a good time to tell you that you are allergic to seafood and peanuts,” the doctor said, his eyes dripping with emotion.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” Becky cried. “I will never eat lobster rolls or brittle!”

“Becky, I didn’t want to have to tell you this,” the doctor said, his eyes gushing with emotion. “You also have a mild case of eczema.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” Becky cried. “I will have annoyingly itchy skin.”

“Finally, Becky,” the doctor sobbed, his eyes flooding with emotion, “This paper cut may be infected.”

Becky hurled herself off the examining table and pounded her fists on the floor. 
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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