Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Tale of Lies and Face Wash

Total dick.

The label said, "Deep Action Cream Cleanser." And I said, "Really? Because I've been burned by face wash labels before. They say 'deep clean,' and then I wash my face and afterward it still feels like I fell face first into a vat of french fry grease."

"Oh, ha ha ha," the label said. "You're such a kidder. Read right here. It says, 'Deep Action Cream Cleanser removes dirt, oil and make-up deep down to the pores as you wash. Its oil-free formula won’t clog your pores and a special cooling ingredient leaves your skin feeling refreshed and clean.'"

"Okay! I totally believe you, Clean and Clear! Let's do this thing!"

I paid the required $7.99 and took my new friend Deep Action Cream Cleanser home. "This is going to be awesome," I said. "I can't wait to feel that refreshed and clean feeling that you promised me."

I washed my face excitedly. And afterward, my face felt like the underside of a funnel cake.

"Hey! My face feels super greasy, you lying jerk of a face wash!"

"Mwahahahahahahaha! You fell for it again! God, you're so gullible!"

"CLEAN AND CLEAR!" I shouted, shaking my fist at the heavens.
To be continued....

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