Tuesday, April 26, 2011
President Trump Signs Bill to Help Unwed Mothers
President Trump today signed a bill to help unwed mothers get up on their feet after spending years on welfare.
"Pushing this bill through has been difficult," said the President at a Gold House press conference this afternoon, "I've dropped at least 50 grand on everyone in Congress. Luckily, I have the cash because of all of the wise investments I made in the past. And the success of my hit show The Apprentice on NBC. Tune in Sundays at 9."
The new law will allow mothers who were previously on welfare to start their own businesses.
"Here's what these unwed mothers do under the new law," said the President. "They give me $100,000. I in turn give them the right to use the Trump name to open a daycare franchise. Trump's Daycares and Kiddie Spas. Luxury child care for babies and toddlers who appreciate the finer things in life."
The passage of the bill was met with skepticism in the form of an angry mob who gathered on the Gold House lawn.
"How, pray tell, do I get my hands on $100,000, President Trump?" asked one single mother who took part in the protest.
Trump lashed back, as he is wont to do when anyone criticizes him, with, "Maybe you should have made wiser investments in your past like I did. You really are not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?" He then had his butler turn on the sprinklers and was later seen departing for a month-long vacation to Majorca aboard Yacht Force One.
More on this story as it unfolds.