Thursday, April 21, 2011
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump Elected President
After telling the Electoral College to shut its fat mouth last night, Donald Trump was elected president in a landslide victory.
"See," said President-Elect Trump in his victory speech, "All you have to do is stand up for what you believe in, tell people to shut up, and throw some money at it, and your presidential dreams can come true."
"I don't know how this is possible," said Speaker of the House John Boehner. "But apparently there is a little-known loophole in the Constitution where presidential candidates can tell the Electoral College to shut its fat mouth and immediately be made president. How do you think Andrew Jackson got elected?"
Trump's run for the presidency has been interesting and often controversial. Last month he challenged incumbent Barack Obama to a "Presidential Staring Contest," rather than the traditional debate. Trump's ice cold stare was so intense that Obama developed a stutter and immediately went crying back to Kenya. No one has seen Obama since, leaving the country in the hands of Vice President Joe Biden.
Trump also selected his running mate, Jenna Jameson, through a nationally televised swimsuit competition and offered checks for $1,000 to anyone who vote for him.
"Now that I'm president," said Trump, "I can start getting this country back on track. No more men with ugly wives. No more lesbians. No more making reservations at the best hotel in Dubai only to have someone tell you that only the second best luxury suite is available because King Abdullah of Jordan decided to stay an extra night. We will rise above these challenges as a country."
Stay tuned for more presidential news as it unfolds...