Wednesday, August 11, 2010

AAAAA! It's the Mosque of the Red Death

Here is a tidbit of information from my life that you might not know. For the past two years, I have lived half a block from a mosque. "What?" you say. "Do you spend all your time at home doing an inventory of your munitions closet? Are you stocked up on Kevlar vests? What happens if the Muslims come and you aren't ready?"

To which I respond, "What is wrong with you?"

Yes, there is a mosque on my street, and you might be surprised to know that NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. There aren't any neighborhood holy wars going on. We all go to the same grocery stores and laundromats. Women walk around wearing burqas, and I haven't once thought to myself, "Oh my god, lady terrorist at 10 o'clock, and here I am without my pistols." Because I know she is just running errands like I am. (The scariest thing that ever happens in my neighborhood is when the ice cream man parks in front of my building and I don't have any money.)

If there is an army of terrorists being trained at the Islamic center, it consists of four old guys who like to chat every night out front before they lock up and go home. If they are planning some kind of violent jihad, they are reeeeally procrastinating.

After two years of living near this mosque, I might also venture to say that I don't think that God is all that worried either (if you subscribe to the belief thing). I'm talking about the god that Christians believe in and credit with Jesus and such. The same god who some Christians insist would oppose the building of mosques. I have yet to see him smite the mosque in my neighborhood or the people who go there, despite the fact that it is less than a block away from a Baptist church, where every Sunday, a lot of non-Muslim people rattle the windows with their love for Jesus. And that is across the street from a Methodist church where the service is delivered in Spanish. (For the record, God hasn't smote any of those people for not speaking English.) There seems to be no Christian to Islam religion transference or vice versa, despite the close proximity.

People go into the Islamic center. People come out. God is like, "Ho hum. No smiting for me today."

My point is that there are dicks of every single religion on the planet. There are Methodist dicks, Lutheran dicks, and Catholic dicks; Jewish dicks, Atheist dicks, and Wiccan dicks, There are probably even some Quaker dicks. And, yes, there are Muslim dicks and a small percentage of them are terrorists. But it does not make all of them terrorists. I repeat: That does not make all of them terrorists. So, for those people in Wisconsin, California, and Tennessee (and anywhere else with a Muslim population) where someone wants to build a mosque and you feel you just gotta protest, go get yourself a falafel and a hookah and relax. Life is beautiful in my neighborhood. There is no reason it shouldn't be in yours as well.


Banana Queen said...

Seriously, I think I love you. You are the coolest person.....EVAR.

I mean that. Ramadan Mubarak , by the way.


Anonymous said...

I am tired of idiots in this country getting upset over the most stupid shit.

There should be a way to round up all the dicks of the world and just let them blow each other up.

dmarie said...

Well said, Bethany.

Justin M. said...

Yeah Beth. You've got it right. There are far too many morons with spare time to invent hate.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@BQ: Thank you so much. And to you as well.

@Anonymous: Ugh. Me too.

@DM: Thanks!

@Justin: Thanks, dude.