Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (A Post Drinking Game Summary)


















The Fallen: I've fallen!
Megatron: I'll help you!
The Fallen: Okay!

Shia LaBeouf: You're my hot girlfriend.
Megan Fox: I totally know, right? I'm just going to bend over and get this.
Shia LaBeouf: Okay, but do it fast because I have to leave for college in a minute. Oh, no. I dropped this thingy that burned through the floor, and there are some robots in our kitchen. With guns!
Kitchen robots: Muhahahahahaha! *Bang bang bang!*

Mom: Don't go, Shia LaBeouf! You're my little cupcake, and I'll miss you.
Dad: Let him go, Shia LaBeouf's mom. He's a man now.
Their House: *EXPLODES!*
Bumblebee: Come with me if you want to live.

Later, at college....

Shia LeBeouf's roommate: There are alien robots who are taking over the world.
Shia LeBeouf: I don't know anything about that. I swear.
Shia LeBeouf's roommate: Okay, I believe you. Let's be best friends forever. Just don't even think about trying to move in on hot girl I like.
Shia LeBeouf: Okay.
Hot Girl: Tear my clothes off, Shia LeBeouf!
Shia LeBeouf: No, I can't. Okay, I might a little.
Megan Fox: We're broken up forever! I never want to see you again until five minutes from now!
Rainn Wilson: I'm totally in this movie.
Drunk narrator: I have such a Dwight Shrute ladyboner right now.

EVERYTHING: *EXPLODES!*

Optimus Prime: Why am I not in this summary yet? I'm super important.
Drunk narrator: I'm getting to you. Jesus.
Optimus Prime: *dies*
Drunk narrator: Oops.

Decepticon: Blah blah blah, the Primes left some super important shit in Egypt. And symbols. And some key thing that might bring Optimus Prime back to life.

Shia LaBeouf: I'll get it.
Bumblebee: I will go with you, Jerry Maguire.
John Turturro: I am such a brilliant actor. What the hell am I doing here?
Megan Fox: I'm just going to bend over and talk to this tiny Decepticon while it humps my leg.
Fifth grade boys: HAHAHAHAHA!

EVERYTHING: *EXPLODES!*

Later in Egypt...

The Fallen: People of Earth, I'm going to blow up your sun!
The people of Egypt: Okay, just let us move our goats first.
Megatron: Too late! *Bang bang bang! Kaboom!*
The people of Egypt: That's fine. We'll go build houses somewhere else. Bye now!
Archaeologists: Be careful. Those pyramids are super old and were built by slave labor.
The pyramids: *Crumble!*

Shia LaBeouf: Optimus Prime magic key stab!
Optimus Prime: I'm alive!
Everyone: Yay!
Optimus Prime: Not so fast, the Fallen!

EVERYTHING: *EXPLODES!*

Optimus Prime: The world is saved...but for how long?
Megatron: Until I come back!
Optimus Prime: Okay, then. Bye!
Shia LaBeouf: I love you, Megan Fox's boobs.
Megan Fox: I love you too!
Bumblebee: You had me at hello....You had be at hello.
Drunk narrator: ......

CREDITS.

8 comments:

AmazonRedhead said...

Genius! I would hazard a guess that your post-drinking game summary of this turd is more intelligently written than the actual screenplay.

Personally, I think you need to make drunken movie synopses a regular feature.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@AmRed: That would require me to drink more. Do you think I'm going to say no to that?

jody! said...

next time, i'll bring both bottles of wine. although, while i did run out before you, i still passed out at 10:30PM last night. lame? i think not! i was quite well rested this morning. in conclusion, michael bay please make more movies that inspire hilarious drinking games so i can get a good night's sleep.


(ps. BAD BOYS II was directed by michael bay -- hence the strategically and outdated placed poster. he also had a cameo as "crappy car driver" in that one.)

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@jody!: Next time, let's watch The Island and drink whenever ScarJo makes that blowjob/pouty face.

t.c. said...

MA-BA-SPLOOM!

jody! said...

we might need a case of wine if we're playing THAT drinking game. i'm in!


we can also play that same game using liv tyler and ARMAGEDDON.

you're stupid and it makes me sad said...

Holy shit, you nailed it.

Jenn said...

Best. Summary. Eva! You should also drink during "Catwoman" you'll probably be out before she's even become a cat. It's that bad!