Monday, November 2, 2009
Studies Show That Meat Eaters Eat Meat Just to Annoy Vegan Activists
Despite the best efforts of author Jonathan Safran Foer and actress Natalie Portman to school the ignorant public on how the meat industry really works, meat-eaters all over the world continue to eat delicious meat at a steady rate. From bacon to filet mignon, if there is anything that the omnivorous can agree on, it's that animals taste like magic, only juicier.
And according to recent studies, most meat eaters, when surveyed, admit that they really only do it to annoy vegan activists.
"I actually prefer to eat vegetables," said one meat-craver at a recent meat-in. "But sometimes when vegan people are around, I like to gnaw on a leg of lamb just to get a rise out of them. It's really funny. They start to look all queasy."
Others argue that the steady meat consumption is really a way for omnivorous people to protest being patronized.
"I just get sick of people assuming that because I eat meat that I've never read Upton Sinclair's The Jungle or just don't understand where meat actually comes from," said one protestor from his booth at a local barbecue restaurant. "I know it's an animal and that industrial farming sucks. I also know that these ribs taste really good covered with barbecue sauce and with a side of baked beans."
In response to the current pro-meat protests, PETA president Ingrid Newkirk sponsored a new billboard featuring vegan activist Pamela Anderson fellating a cruelty-free cucumber. It should be noted that no animals were saved by the billboard in question.
**Love to my veg friends AND my meat-eating compatriots.