Tuesday, January 5, 2010

In Which I Dabble in Bad-Assery

















Well, it's 2010, and since I haven't posted since November, you may have been pondering where I've been. Well, there is a long and a short explanation for my temporary hiatus. And since the long story is very, very long and there isn't enough vodka in the world to make you want to sit through me telling you about it, I will just give you the short explanation.

I bought a Wii, and it has taken over my life. Yes, I've spent the last month defeating The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. And then, for shits and giggles, I went back and beat it again. Don't judge me. There is a mini game where you get to ride around on a giant prehistoric bird and pop balloons.

I've also been dabbling in bad-assery. Won't you let me tell you about it? Won't you?

People who are genuinely badass have telltale markings of being badass. So, first I will outline those and then I will tell you why I qualify as a total badass. Are we ready? Okay, then. Here we go....

1. Badass people have many, many tattoos. I have a single tattoo, but it is of an owl, and as everybody knows, owls are predatory birds. If you are small enough, they can totally kill you.

2. Badass people have scars. I have a scar from the time a flaming hot shell casing from a .22 hit me on the bare leg. So, it could maybe be called a bullet wound if you think about it really hard.

3. Badass people perform daring feats. I throw myself into the ocean (almost) every Sunday as a rite of passage for the Polar Bear Club. When I get out, my leg whiskers feel like razor wire. Razor wire? Totally badass.

4. Badass people have a dad who is MIA. I only see my dad once or twice a year. He delivers propane for a living. And propane? Totally flammable.

5. People who are badass have parts of their lives that they don't talk about and/or can't remember. I don't remember the first two years of my life and I refuse to discuss junior high.

So, there you go. I am badass, and as 2010 begins, I intend to find ways to make myself more badass. I am taking suggestions. And I might post more often as well if Mario and Luigi can spare the best trigger finger of all time.

15 comments:

Jen said...

Ha. Awesome. Good to have you posting again.

I am now wondering how I can spin my own traits into badassery. Tattoo? Check. Scars? Sure. Daring feats? Um... I clipped my cat's claws last week. That's kind of daring.

Abigail said...

A wound caused by a bullet (casing) counts as a bullet wound in my book, badass.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@Jen: That totally counts. Cats really hate having their claws clipped. At least mine does anyway.

@Abigail: Right?

Jenn said...

When is the Wii/Brunch party happening at your crib? Don't bogard all the badassness.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@Jenn: I was thinking dinner party for a change, and I have a 3-person limit on parties. So think of two other people you really like and all make all of you dinner and we can Wii.

Dale-Marie said...

I can totally attest to your
bad-assery and it is awesome to behold!

Jenn said...

Sounds splendid, Madame Mayor! I wonder if I should include the husband in that equation.

Happy New Year, by the way, we've missed your regular posts.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@Jenn: That's up to you!

@Mom: Thanks!

J.Gold said...

Twilight Princess is totally badass. Link's such a badass he doesn't even speak, just kicks ass without comment.

And I don't know how badass this is, but I always name Epona "your cock" in that game so that Ilia will tell me "I washed your cock for you" and "Don't hurt your cock jumping over fences" at the beginning of the game. It never gets old.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@J.Gold: That is totally hilarious. Now every time I play it, I'm going to think of that.

I got caught up fishing last night, and I could NOT STOP. It's so much more awesome than it was in OoT. And it was pretty awesome in OoT.

Jen said...

Yay, you're back!

Even without all the other reasons, the Polar Bear Club alone makes you pretty badass in my book.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@Jen #4: Aw, thanks!

Jen said...

Damn our generation and the popularity of the name Jen and all its kin.

Jenn said...

Seriously! The name Jennifer was spread as wide as the crack epidemic in the 1980s apparently.

Dingo said...

Prehistoric birds? Popping balloons? Totally badass. Not posting and leaving us hanging? Not totally badass. But it's a new year and you have a chance of making it up to us.