Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wedding Ceremonies on Other Planets
We are gathered here today in the presence of the high cerebral being to celebrate the mutual attraction of this male life form and this female life form and bind them together under the gaze of the eyestalks of those individuals who slithered here today.
The great book of Ansoxx teaches us that mutual attraction and the wish to mate is patient, as females must dig themselves up from under the ground after a four-year maturation period. And it is kind, unless we are forced to thin the population of males. It is never boastful, except during the death-bringing epidemic of 25800, when everyone had to wrestle for nourishment, and the Queen was the only available egg layer. And it culminates in a joining of tentacles and exchanging of mucous sacs.
If any being here feels that these two should not be joined as mates, say dissenting words now or face the pain of being eaten by the Vylort beast after the traditional time period of 17 days.
Now, if there are no dissenting words, I will continue with the joining ceremony.
Do you, Crovat Hiberx 6000, take Velert Wellux 12 to be your lawfully wedded egg layer?
And do you, Velert Wellux 12, take Crovat Hiberx 6000 to be your life mate until such time that you lay your eggs and then feed upon him?
And now the vows. Repeat after I speak, if you will.
I, Crovat Hiberx 6000, take you, Velert Wellux 12 to have and to hold, from the time our mating period commences until you lay our eggs and then remove my head, continue to have intercourse with my body while it slowly dies, and then begin to feed upon my corpse. Then, and only then, will our vows be broken.
Very well. And now...
I, Velert Wellux 12, take you, Crovat Hiberx 6000 to have and to hold, until you have implanted your spermatozoa in my horlax and I have humanely dispatched you.
If all present accept these vows, then, by the power vested in me by the Arluxian Space Council, I now pronounce you mates.
You may rub tentacles.
And now, the Queen egg layer will now approach the altar to perform the necessary sacrifices. Those of you who aren't chosen may go in peace.