Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Romantic Encounters on Other Planets

Well, hello. I noticed you looking at me from across the launch platform. Was it my oversized cranium? It must have been. It's absolutely enormous. I have a big brain.

But don't get me wrong. I'm totally humble about it. And the fact that this space launch was completely my idea. We're going to see what's out there, you know, in the far reaches of the galaxy, pick up some specimens, dissect them, and then harvest their brains for study. I'm completely in charge of the whole operation. That's why I have the extra large laser cannon. So people will recognize that I'm the leader.

You're a very bountiful looking female. You're eyes are so big and black and empty, I can see my own reflection in them. And it is so beautiful. Tell me, have you laid your fall eggs yet? A sensuous creature like you should never be without a mate. And I was just noticing that your horlax is pulsating. Am I turning you on? I must be. I bet it isn't very often that a male of my caliber approaches you so casually. But I like to make the first move, unlike some other males. Confidence is so important, don't you think?

So, tell me about yourself. Me, I'm just an average Arluxian looking for love and adventure out there in the enormous galaxy. I love my life. I enjoy just kicking back on the weekends, hanging out with my boys, and you know, watching the Probe Bowl. But I'm a romantic guy. My last mate said that I was too nice sometimes and treated her too well. It didn't work out. She was really intimidated by my position with the Arlux Space Council.

Tell me, do you like Hovercruisers? I own one in silver. To match my skin tone. It can reach up to 400 hrps outside of the atmosphere. Would you like to go for a ride sometime? Grab a few frosty selemians and just let nature take its course? I'm not going to lie. I find you to be very attractive, and I think we definitely have some potential for a future together. What do you think? I've got a good job that I love. I can buy you anything your little herplank could ever desire. And I know how to treat a female of our species. Also, my most recent rectal sellix results came back clean. So, I'm good to go.

Don't say a word. I'm just going to commit my marnox number to your memory via brain scan. You give me a call sometime. Okay? See you later, beautiful.


wilsonbilson said...

Wait... so am I not supposed to have a horlax?
I'm scared.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Everybody has a horlax at birth. And then some of them are harvested for fuel.

wilsonbilson said...

Why hasn't mine been harvested?

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@WB: That sounds like a question for your sartaxician.

wilsonbilson said...

How embarrassing.

Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

I'm having trouble finding a condom to fit my horlax.