Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Lifetime Movie Review

I'm frequently asked how I manage to post something every day. Well, it's all very simple. Firstly, I work two days ahead. Secondly, when I do fall behind, which is very often, I post something from my old blog and pretend I only just came up with it. Thirdly (and this is very rare), I go around to all your houses and steal your computers so that you'll never know I missed a day and give you something much bigger to worry about. Today I'm trying to catch up on some work for my actual job, so I'm going to inflict some of the old stuff on you again. Think of it like reruns. New stuff tomorrow!

The Lifetime Movie Review

Circle All that Apply

My first impression of Danielle Steel’s Fatal Obsession of a Dangerous Heart: A Moment of Truth Movie starring (Candace Cameron / Tori Spelling / Tracey Gold / Jennie Garth / Courtney Thorne-Smith) as (a/an) (abuse victim / stalker / fated airline passenger / jealous ex-wife) who must (overcome all odds / break the silence) about her (stepfather / handsy gynecologist / attractive but tragically foreign gardener) despite (brain tumor / eating disorder / unwanted pregnancy / bunions) was “Didn’t I see this last week when it starred (Judith Light / Meredith Baxter / Lindsay Wagner / Stockard Channing / Angie Dickinson)? And wasn’t the (airline pilot / husband’s mistress / abusive father / school guidance counselor / surgeon) played by (Beau Bridges / Corbin Bernsen / Rosie O'Donnell / Scott Bakula / Kirstie Alley)? Because this all sounds very familiar. No, maybe I’m thinking of that one with (Rob Lowe / JoBeth Williams / Andrew McCarthy / Pam Dawber). This is a little off subject but (he/she) was so awesome in (his/her) guest-starring role on (House / Weeds / Dancing with the Stars / Celebrity Jail Break). I have that episode on (DVD/video). Too bad about (his/her) real-life bout with (narcolepsy / kleptomania / bankruptcy / bad hair cut).” And then I sort of got into it and was unable to shut off the television despite (house fire / uncontrollable sobbing / need to shower). Bottom line: not a bad movie. Definitely better than (The Love Guru / Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull / American Pie: The Naked Mile) which make me want to (slit my wrists / assassinate Kevin Costner / relocate to France).

But seriously, no offense to those of you who enjoy the Lifetime Movie Network. I’m just (hyper-sensitive/overly-critical) since that whole (incarceration / sex scandal / seasonal allergy) thing.


Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

Love Guru...I paid to see that shite.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@JPC: Why would you do that? That's just horrible.