Thursday, October 8, 2009

Fat Shakespeare, The Portly Bard: On Fashion

Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me your forks!
For I, Fat William Shakespeare have arrived in New York.

Yea, it is I, the corpulent bard. It has been too long since I blogged last. I've been toiling away at a new production of Romeo and Juliet where our heroes engageth in a frankfurter eating contest at the Isle of Coney and die very tragically indeed.

As you may recall, I was brought back to life, in 2005, by a merry band of scientists who love the theatre. But, alas! High fructose corn syrup and trans fats in modern delicacies have made me morbidly obese. So, as I champion the benefactors at the channel of Bravo to bequest me my own reality programme wherein I lose weight in a very entertaining manner, I will continue to guest blog on the township of Bethville web site.

Today, I address fashion, as New York is a great metropolis of privilege and interesting fashion choices. So, let us to the gallery! Make haste!

Here, we see a very elegant lady and...what ho! Is that perchance a delectable cheeseburger with a seeds of sesame bun? T'would be a pity for so fine a lady to eat so vile a thing. Fare thee well, cheeseburger! Into my stomach! Anon!

Alackaday! Sir Walter of the house of Raleigh! (Nature that washed her hands in milk? Fie! A curse upon ye and thine miserable attempts at turning a phrase!) He is wielding a kabob most juicy and wearing some items of armour. He cannot move his arms! So, I eat his kabob!

Queen Elizabeth Regina Gloriana! Mine lady! I kneel before thee most humbled. Before I eateth thine cookie most delicious.

Well, now my gut is full to bursting. Pray pardon me, dearest readers. I must now adjourn to mine privy. Fare thee well until the time is next!


Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

Is doust yon hither a kabob or is doust happy to see yee, that is the question.

Fat Shakespeare, the Portly Bard said...

@Lord Coaltrain: Villain! Hold thy tongue in the name of England!

Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

England smingland.