Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Choose Your Own Contingency Plan: A Quiet Evening at Home























You're bored.

If you build a time machine, go to section 1A.
If you eat some Doritos, go to section 1B.

1A
You get an old refrigerator box out of the dumpster and some pipe cleaners. Now, you just have to figure out how to travel through time.

If you decide to decorate the time machine with glitter and magic markers and forego the fancy science stuff, go to section 2A.
If you spend many years toying with theories of the universe, go to section 2B.

1B
Mmmmmm...Doritos! You eat them and you eat them! And they are oh, so good. But while you are eating them, you are approached by strange individual with nunchucks!

If you fight him, go to section 3A.
If he is a surprise celebrity guest, go to section 3B.

2A
Well, the glitter glue you used, in combination with the magic marker fumes, caused a chemical reaction that sent you back in time to 1978. Convenient!

If you head to the disco, go to section 4A.
If you prevent my parents from having sex, which results in me never being born, go to section 4B.

2B
Who do you think you are, Stephen Hawking?

If you actually are Stephen Hawking, go to section 5A.
If you are actually Dr. Emmett Brown from the 1985 movie Back to the Future, go to section 5B.
If you are someone else, go to section 5C.

3A
Whoa there, John McClane. It's just your neighbor Ted, martial arts enthusiast. Apparently, he's given himself a concussion trying to make a sweet video for YouTube and wandered into your apartment in need of medical assistance. And now you've broken his arms as well. Nice work, jerk.
THE END

3B
It's Michaelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! You love him! He loves Doritos. You are best friends for life.
THE END

4A
It's ladies' night at Studio 54. You get tangled in Rod Stewart's chest hair! AAAAA!
THE END

4B
You interfered with the time space continuum. Universe will self destruct in 3...2...1...
THE END

5A
Hi, Stephen Hawking!
THE END

5B
Doc! Read the letter! It's super important! No, really!
THE END

5C
Oh, no! You stepped into the quantum leap accelerator and vanished! And now you are forced to travel through time, putting right what once went wrong and hoping each time that your next leap...will be the leap home.

If you face a mirror image that is not your own, go to section 6A.
If your only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from your own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only you can see and hear, go to section 6B.

6A
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
THE END

6B
What were you people thinking with season 5? There's actually an episode called "Revenge of the Evil Leaper." Wow.
THE END

9 comments:

Jen said...

Doritos and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles BFF--I win!

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@Jen: Woo hoo!

wilsonbilson said...

My density has bought me to you.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@WB: Have you seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y

It's amazing.

Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

4B...oops.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@JPC: Really? You went back in time to destroy me? That's not very nice.

Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

Oh I thought it said watch your parents have sex, prevent never.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@JPC: Gross. Don't make me picture that.

Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

Hee hee!