Thursday, September 17, 2009

Words “Obesity Linked” Linked to Obesity

(Another post from the old blog, so I can have a night off. New stuff tomorrow, I promise. Enjoy!)

Following a surprising recent discovery, health officials warn that the words “obesity linked” may actually cause an increase in obesity.

Dr. Fatty McLipid of the National Alliance Against Acceptance of People Who May or May Not Be Big Boned said recently, “The words ‘linked’ and ‘obesity’ actually caused significant weight gain in several lab specimens when used in succession.”

The culprit, some say? The word “link.”

“‘Link’ is defined as a ‘causal, parallel, or reciprocal relationship,’ but many in our culture associate it with the popular breakfast comestible or ‘sausage link.’ Some just cannot resist the delicious temptation of a link of sausage. Put it alongside pancakes dripping with maple syrup or a cheddar cheese omelet and you’ve got a 1500-calorie reason to stop dieting,” said Dr. McLipid.

In a recent survey, 87 percent of those surveyed responded that their first thought upon hearing the word “link” was of sausages. Another 12 percent associated the word with chain link or fences. The final 1 percent died during the survey allegedly due to artery blockage associated with over-consumption of pork products.

While nothing is certain at this time, NAAAPWMMNBBB officials urge the significantly overweight to avoid any reports on obesity that use the word “link” repeatedly. They are also urged to stay away from establishments like Denny’s, Burger King, Pizza Hut, and IHOP.

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