Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Ow! Your Facebook Unfriending Has Cut Me Deeply























Well, I'm just going to turn around and have you pull this knife out of my back. I thought we were Facebook friends. And then you just unfriend me like it all meant nothing to you? All the months of me commenting on your statuses with amusing clips from YouTube. All the pictures of birthday parties I wasn't invited to. Quizzes where you discover that your best sex position is reverse cowgirl. I was there for all of that. And you just cut me out of your Facebook life after everything.

Wow. It hurts so much.

Don't you remember when we first became Facebook friends? We were only kind of acquaintances back in college. You lived at one end of the hallway, and I lived at the other. But we always said hello.

And then when I accepted your Facebook friend request, I thought, "This is it! We're finally really and truly friends." I mean, it's not like we really had anything to say to each other after all this time. But I always thought that the silence meant that we didn't NEED to say anything. Like back in the dorms when you would be in the bathroom stall having violent diarrhea, and I wouldn't say a word, just sit in the stall next to you silently showing my moral support.

I totally voted for you when we were electing a hall president. And, just so you know, your roommate voted for Amber. I see she was one of your bridesmaids. Isn't that interesting?

So, I logged onto my Facebook this morning, notice I'm a friend short, go through my spreadsheet, and see that you're the one who is missing. Well, two can play at this game. I'm not going to follow your blog anymore.

12 comments:

Abigail said...

OK, so WHY did this person unfriend you?? That's the real mystery. I vote for: Your sexuality was too overpowering.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Ha! My ex-boyfriend unfriended me last week, which gave me the title. But this scenario is purely fictional.

But if it had really happened, then yes, the sexuality is definitely to blame.

Nefarious Newt said...

You have a spreadsheet?!?!? Man... I'm not that industrious. When I get de-friended, it usually takes me weeks to figure it out.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@nefnewt: The spreadsheet is also fictional. :)

Anonymous said...

You're ex-boyfriend that un-friended you, is that the same one who worked with you, and you caught him cheating?

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@Anonymous: Nope. And YOUR anonymity is really, really creepy. (BTW, I have access to ISP numbers via my Site Meter. You're less anonymous than you think.)

wilsonbilson said...

The spreadsheet is a great idea....

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@wilsonbilson: I really am kidding about the spreadsheet. I keep all my FB friends in a Word doc. :)

AmazonRedhead said...

That diarrhea thing is true, though, right?

I would say that the improper use of "your" and "you're" may be an adequate ground for unfriending, if the individual in question lacks positive qualities sufficient to make up for failing to utilize a basic concept learned in grade school.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@AmRed: Hee! I [heart] you.

Johnny P. Coaltrain said...

"Hell hath no furry then a Facebook woman scorned."

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@JPC: True. All furries go to heaven.