Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Madonna Collapses, Some Normal Guy Just Falls Down

According to recent reports, pop star Madonna collapsed over the weekend during a concert in Sofia, Bulgaria. But under equally grueling work conditions, a normal guy from Cleveland named Shep Jones simply fell down.

While Madonna was immediately surrounded by back-up dancers and a team of physicians concerned with her well-being, Jones just sat there clutching his sore elbow with no regard for his co-workers who were still trying to unload the truck. One co-worker even remarked that Jones was "Laying down on the job," and asked if he wanted to call his mommy to come and kiss his boo-boo. While Jones declined his co-worker's suggestion, he did go inside for ten minutes and put ice on his wound.

Ironically, at the time of her collapse, Madonna was singing the lyrics, "If we took a holiday; Took some time to celebrate; Just one day out of life; It would be, it would be so nice." When Shep Jones fell down, he was listening to some guy bitch about his herniated disk and thinking how nice a vacation would be. It should be noted that neither followed through with these plans.

Some experts believe that both incidents are evidence that famous people are a highly advanced species of human, which allows them to do everything in a far more dramatic manner. Further experimentation is being done as pairs of contestants from Dancing With the Stars are being thrown from high places to see how they land. So far, both celebrities and normal people alike have simply crumpled.

After her collapse, Madonna went back to performing, and Jones went home and had a heart attack. He was 51.


Andrea said...

So glad someone finally said it.

AmazonRedhead said...

That DWTS-based study is fundamentally flawed, though, as most of those "stars" are barely famous. I propose we throw Madonna, George W. Bush, the Pratts, Paris Hilton, my boss and all of my ex-boyfriends out a window to see how they land. Surely that will give us a more scientific result.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@amazonredhead: I have some ex-boyfriends to add as well.

AmazonRedhead said...

The more the merrier, I always say! But we will need to balance out the ex-boyfriends with other famous people. For science.

I suggest we include Dick Cheney, Jon & Kate, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Donald Trump and Criss Angel as needed.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@amazonredhead: David Blaine, David Copperfield, etc. Just to see if they really are magical.

Anonymous said...

@AmazonRedhead and @TheHonorableMayor: Don't forget Cris Angel--he likes trying to kill himself anyway. Let's see if it sticks this time!