Monday, September 14, 2009
A Joyful, Happy, Adorable Adventure to Jury Duty, Where It Is So Fun
What am I doing today? Well, how very nice of you to ask. As a matter of fact, I'm going to jury duty! Doesn't that sound like fun? I bet you wish you could go to jury duty too. But you can't come along. It's a journey I must go on alone.
Now, here are some things I'm looking forward to on my adventure to jury duty, so you can get good and jealous.
1. Everyone who is chosen for jury duty and doesn't postpone going gets to be a UNICORN in the afterlife! Unicorns can grant wishes with just a single touch of their horns. And they eat nothing but marshmallows for every meal. So, if you perform your civic duty at the time you are expected, and you can be a unicorn someday like me!
2. When you arrive at jury duty, you are required to dance at least three dances before any actual jury selection takes place. So you must keep your dance card full! I'm sure there will be no shortage of intelligent and handsome lawyers just dying to dance with a juror as gracious and becoming as me!
3. In the afternoon, someone will be elected the Queen of Jury Duty and will get to wear a crown and carry a sceptor! Everyone will agree that the Queen is the most beautiful jury duty-serving maiden in all the land. She will be loved by all and will serve her people well until 5 PM.
(This is actually Queen Victoria, but I'm sure she would be honored to serve on the jury.)
4. At the end of jury duty, you receive a lifetime supply of candy for being so lovely and generous with your time. All the kinds I like! No Necco Wafers or candy corn!
5. When you arrive home from jury duty, Javier Bardem will be at your house. He will make you spaghetti and eagerly await stories from your jury duty experience. This is non-negotiable. You can't swap him for Brad Pitt and linguini or Johnny Depp with a nice pot roast. It must be Javier Bardem, and he must make spaghetti. He is very adamant about this.
And so that concludes me telling you all about the fun I'm going to have today at jury duty. I hope that all of you can go someday too!