Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Date Being "Totally Hilarious" Is Actually Choking
I know it's humorous that I am turning slightly blue and waving my arms about, but I promise I'm not doing an impression of a chicken. But I am choking on chicken, so if it isn't too inconvenient, would you mind coming over here and performing the Heimlich Maneuver on me?
I also want to take this moment to say that I'm having a really great time with you. You're taller than I expected, and at first I was a bit put off by it, but now that I'm looking at you in my oxygen deprived state, you're actually quite lovely. And those arms look good and strong and very capable of grabbing me around the middle and pulling upward so we can pop this thing out of my windpipe. So, if you would just stop misinterpreting my frantic hand gestures, things would be just perfect.
Despite the fact that I got something lodged in my breathing passage, this has been a really fun night. The movie was actually pretty good, despite the fact that Nicolas Cage walked around naked in it for thirty minutes with absolutely no explanation. Or maybe I'm not remembering it correctly due to the lack of oxygen in my brain. But I would definitely nominate him for best naked Oscar. Oooooh, who let these rainbows in here? They're so fluffy.
I think it's safe to say that the combination of your muscular arms and Nicolas Cage being naked and this nice dinner that I'm currently choking on has made an impression on me. So, I guess what I'm saying is, if I end up pulling through this, I hope we can go out again. We seem to have a good connection. If not, well, it's been nice knowing you. If I do die and my mom comes, tell her to stay out of the folder marked "Private" on my computer and to not look in my sock drawer. Okay, I think that's everything. I'm so hot. Is it tired in here?
Wee! Things are getting a little dark now. I'm just going to put my face down right here in this soup. Please don't take it as a comedic pratfall. I am actually chok...