Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Area Man Finds Self After 10 Hours of Looking

Paul Kelly, 34, who quit his job yesterday in order to find himself, sheepishly returned to his former place of employment this morning, after completing his novel and finding happiness in all he does.

In a whirlwind, caffeine-fueled, chain-smoking, writing frenzy, Kelly began his 873-page novel when he arrived home at 7 PM last night and finished it at 5 AM this morning, giving him just enough time to shower and get to the subway for work.

"I can safely say," said Kelly, "that having gotten that novel finished and only spending $10 of my savings to support myself during my foray into writing full time, I'm ready to go back to my 9-5 job with a smile on my face and a happy tune in my heart. Watch out, marketing department."

But Kelly is being secretive about the novel that he is sure will bring him success. "It's a book about love, ninjas, and a few dragons," he said, but refused to disclose further details, fearing rogue plagiarists and those seeking to ride his coattails to fame.

Kelly spent the 13 years since graduating from college unhappily bouncing from one dead-end job to the next, promising himself that one day he would just quit and go out and find himself. At first he considered moving to Thailand or taking up base jumping. But after enrolling in a writing class, Kelly finally saw his true destiny. Mission accomplished, he hopes to take up some new hobbies like whittling or telling quaint stories to the young people.

Kelly feels he is also ready, having found himself, to attempt to satisfy a woman, both physically and emotionally, by finally committing to a relationship after years of jumping from one woman to the next.

"I will no longer get involved with women, only to tell them that I'm not ready for a relationship after eight months of dating," said Kelly. Former girlfriends, who would find all of this very hilarious, could not be reached for comment.


Anonymous said...

Whittling is pretty much the only thing to still challenge a perfectly content soul, isn't it?

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@bgc: And collecting Precious Moments.

Anonymous said...

I've thought of finding myself, but don't really know where to look.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@breakingblues: Have you tried your jacket pocket?

jody! said...

i collected precious moments as a child. i did not have a contented soul at the time. but perhaps the grandmother who gave me all the pastel statues did.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@jody!: I collected teddy bears. They all had names. Also, I was in high school at the time.