Friday, July 10, 2009

Jackson's Death Raises Questions About Violent Past

With the continued death of Andrew Jackson, experts are attempting to further piece together what may have caused the still-deadness of the late president.

While some allege that Jackson is still dead because it has been 242 years since his birth, others wonder if his violent past played a role in his current state. A veteran of several wars and the survivor of multiple duels and the first assassination attempt of a president, Jackson lived for many years with a musket ball lodged in his lung, causing a chronic cough. And while it was established at the time of his death, at 78, that Jackson died of tuberculosis and heart failure, his current appearance has raised the eyebrows of some.

Always a lean figure during his life, standing at around 6'1" and weighing between 130-140 pounds (according to Wikipedia), in the last hundred years, Jackson's weight has dropped to a mere 18-20% of his total body weight. Some experts agree that a bacterial invasion of his lifeless corpse may have contributed to the decomposition of his flesh and internal organs. Jackson's supporters and fans are demanding to know what is causing him to remain a lifeless skeleton.

"It's all very fishy," said a man with a sock puppet.

Calls to John Quincy Adams were not immediately returned.


Jen said...

I love you. That is all.

angiesyounglover said...

AHAHAH john QUINCY adams. and his daughter Louishada.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@ayl: Honestly? I didn't even think of that.