Friday, July 10, 2009

Andrew Jackson Dead at 242

Andrew Jackson, the seventh president of the United States, hero of the War of 1812, and the first man to be made from hickory, remained dead Friday from complications of tuberculosis, heart failure, and decomposition.

He was 242.

Jackson was discovered not breathing at his home, The Hermitage, on Friday morning by some museum visitors. He was left in his coffin. No autopsy was required, as Andrew Jackson has been dead for 164 years and no one of importance finds that to be suspicious.

Appointed commander of the Tennessee militia in 1801, Andrew Jackson quickly rose to stardom in the War of 1812, later serving again in the First Seminole War, if Wikipedia can be believed. He was elected President of the United States in 1828 and won re-election in 1832.

Jackson's life was peppered with controversy, from his calls to abolish the Electoral College, to the fact he owned slaves, and really, really didn't like Indians.

He was survived by no one, as everyone alive during his time is now dead.

Reverend Al Sharpton had no comment on the still-deadness of Jackson.


Greta said...

Ho-lee necrosis, batman. Only the best post ever.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@greta: Just wait. I have more.

Greta said...

EEEEEEEeeeeee!!!!!!!!!1 All hail the king of Cherokee relocation!