Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Expected Blog Post About Susan Boyle
Hey, it's my turn to write about Susan Boyle on my blog. It's not your turn, Huffington Post. It's not your turn, Jezebel. Stop eyeing my spotlight so hungrily, other bloggers.
If I don't write about Susan Boyle in my blog, I risk ridicule, that kind of ridicule like Susan Boyle faced when she performed on that show I don't watch or really care about. I would carry the shame of a million William Hungs. It would be like that time some lady on American Idol sang a song really bad and wore glitter eyeshadow and everybody laughed at her.
Some people write about how awesome Susan Boyle is at singing songs. Other people write about how awesome Susan Boyle is at singing songs while in possession of untrimmed eyebrows. And still other writers talk about how OVER Susan Boyle they are and wish she would take her eyebrows and go back to Scotland.
But I'm not going to write about any of those things because that's already been done. Instead, I'm going to write about how annoying it is when you're on a talk show first thing in the morning, and some talk show host asks you to sing a song a capella, which means without any accompaniment. And that is really, really hard. And unless people are throwing money at you, entertainment isn't for free. So I think that people like Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera need to stop asking people like Susan Boyle to entertain them with a song a capella. Especially when Willard Scott could easily accompany her on his pan flute.
So, I think it is fair to say that I have nothing of value to say about Susan Boyle. You might also say that this blog post is utterly pointless and that I'm rambling. But you writing haters would be mistaken. I think you are merely judging me by my hair that is frizzy from all of this rain and my eyes are red from weeping over Susan Boyle's rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream." Have you learned nothing from Susan Boyle's triumph?