As I've surely mentioned in the past, I am, in fact, 1/8 Irish. Which means that on St. Patrick's Day, while my 100% Irish brethren are out getting crazy and drinking Guinness by the pint, I am at home with some chamomile tea and a book. Because we 1/8 Irish people are humble in our celebrations and only allowed to do 1/8 as much to celebrate our ancestry.
I used to lament being only 1/8 Irish because Irish people are so into the culture of being Irish. They get to wear T-shirts that say, "Kiss me, I'm Irish!" while I wear a T-shirt that says, "Budweiser." They build parade floats and paint the town green.
But then I realized that I'm also 1/2 English and therefore could freely oppress the 100% Irish people as much as I wished.
Here are some other things that are 1/8 Irish:
1. The first 16.1 minutes of the film The Quiet Man, starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara.
2. Just being friends with the Blarney Stone.
3. A severed limb of James Joyce.
4. My siblings.
5. A shamrock that was run over by a lawnmower.
6. A leprechaun who has only a sack filled with pennies.
7. Corned duckling and a single Brussels sprout.
8. A french fry famine.
9. "When Irish Eyes Are Amused."
10. Whatever is left of the Titanic at this point.
11. Angela's Dust Bunnies.
Have more 1/8 Irish things? Share them in comments. Do it quickly before you enrage the 1/8 German who also lives inside me.