Thursday, September 4, 2008
My Love for Dairy Queen Knows No Bounds
It was a dark, dark day when they shut down our Dairy Queen. It was the only one for probably 100 miles. All we were left with was the Pete's Dairy Cream across the street. It was not the same thing, with its soft serve that tasted mysteriously like those orange circus peanuts and mystery meat sandwiches they called "Jiffy Burgers." Eventually, that closed down as well and became a used car dealership with big fake palm trees out front. The old Dairy Queen became a printing place. You can't eat a wedding invitation on a hot summer afternoon, let me tell you. Well...you could, but it would taste terrible, even with a hot dog and a side of fries.
I was probably despondent for days when DQ closed. I loved Dairy Queen. I still do. If I see one, I have to stop. Even if it's 4 AM and it's closed. "We'll just have to wait until it opens, won't we? I don't care if you are in labor." I've eaten two Blizzards in one day before. Heath Bar in the morning, Snickers in the afternoon. It was there. I wanted it. End of story.
I see the majesty of that red shape in the distance. Narrow at both ends, wide in the middle. Like a big red eye, a distant winking siren. I begin to wonder if they make the mint M&M Blizzard there. Should I go in and see? Do they have Nerd Blizzards? If not, do the people who patronize this particular Dairy Queen know what they are missing? Should I have the Heath Blizzard with chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
There aren't any Dairy Queens in New York. I heard tell that there might be a few out in New Jersey. Maybe I'll pack up and head out there one of these days. See if I can't find a little plot of land to call my own. Start up my own Dairy Queen. Live off the fatta the land. Have all the Blizzards I could ever want. Or something. It could happen.