Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I Am So Busy, I Don't Even Have Time to Blog About It

Leave me alone! Can't you see I'm busy?

See that sink full of dishes? I have no time to wash them, dry them, and put them away. And that rug that looks like my cat exploded all over it? Absolutely not a second in the day to vacuum. Is that a moldy head of cauliflower I spy in the refrigerator? You would think that I would throw it away! But I cannot! For I...am busy.

I know what you're thinking. How can I be so busy when I am sitting here writing to you to tell you how very busy I am? Well, smarty pants, don't I deserve a break now and again? Or shall I just keep slaving away while you sit there, thinking of mean questions to ask me? And what about you? You don't look too busy over there reading this instead of doing something useful. Pick up a broom, why don't you? Me? I can't. I'm typing this and berating you for being a lazy jerk.

Don't you know that "idle hands are the devil's playground?" Don't look now, but the devil is on your swingset. Now he's playing on your monkey bars. And wait! Now he's on your see-saw. If you just keep sitting there, he'll be in your sandbox trying to dig his way to China.

Don't just sit there with that baffled expression on your face! Can't you see that the litter box needs dumping? And that someone needs to sponge down the microwave? And that I need a cocktail? A margarita? With freshly-squeezed lime juice and a few strawberries for garnish? In the blue glass. No! Not that one! The blue glass, you bonehead!

While you're at it, do you think you could run the vacuum over there in the corner? And do up those dishes? And throw away that cauliflower? And apply talcum to my underarms? Don't just sit there! It's hot in here, and I need fanning.

Ah, that settles it. I'll be having my afternoon nap now. Wake me in a few hours.


angiesyounglover said...

i don't know how to make a margarita, but i can vacuum if you want..

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@ayl: That would be just terrific. Hopefully my busy period will come to an end later this week, and I'll be able to blog properly again and not just complain about my busy-ness.

Tell you what. I'll make the margaritas. :)

nadarine said...

The solution, clearly, is a drink-mixing Roomba. Get on that, science.

*h said...

There is nothing on earth that smells worse, and I mean this in all sincerity, than bad cauliflower. I don't know what happens to the delightful vegetable, but it is god-bloody-awful and someone, in some lab somewhere, needs to genetically engineer the stank right out of it.

In short: if you do nothing else this week, throw out that cauliflower. The entire city of New York will thank you.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@nadarine: I can't even think about Roombas without thinking of Arrested Development when Lucille catches Buster in bed with the Roomba. OMG....too funny.

@h: Rotten broccoli gives it a run for its smelly money. As does cabbage in almost any form.

angiesyounglover said...

@bethville: ok! we can use my special stash of patron! and seriously, someone bring back arrested development in all its never-nude glory. so funny.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@ayl: Someone told me that just gave the AD movie the green light, so I think it's coming fairly soon. Liza is pushing for a cameo. There is no man in this world I love in the way I love Jason Bateman. I've been in love with him since Valerie's Family, even when my mom forbade me watching it because it was too "racy" for a second grader. I found ways to watch it anyway.