Monday, August 25, 2008

Everyone Needs Ugly Days

Yesterday, at 6 PM, I realized that I had spent most of the day lying around on my couch in my boxer shorts and tank top. I hadn't showered. My hair looked like this:

And when I thought to myself, "Well, this is just pathetic. I really should get motivated and do something," I couldn't think of a single thing I actually wanted to do. And so I just stayed right where I was, half watching baseball, half watching season one of Heroes, and eating grapes to stay alive.

I'm normally the up-and-at-em type, up before 7 to get some kind of exercise in for the day. But yesterday was just not one of those days. I blame the humidity.

I feel like "Ugly Days" are necessary in order to keep us grounded as people. We have to be reminded sometimes that being a human is kind of a high maintenance experience. Because, let's face it, it is. My hair doesn't just do itself. I have to wash it, condition it, organize it, diffuse it, straighten it, comb it, tease it, and sometimes shave it all off and start over. And when it's humid outside, like it was yesterday, these steps become 600 times more difficult.

And that's just the top of my head. Let's not forget that my face also needs to be washed, moisturized, plucked, powdered, and pampered every single morning. As for the rest of my body, there is shaving...SHAVING. And moisturizing. And sun block application. And painting my toenails so that people don't see how gross my feet really are.

Apart from the things my whiny-assed body needs, let's not even get started on the necessity of keeping my clothes and apartment clean. It's a lot of work, man.

There's vacuuming, dusting, washing of dishes, scrubbing of my kitchen floor, which for some dumb reason is white wood. (Who puts a white floor in a kitchen? A sadist, that's who.) Laundry has to be hauled out, washed, dried, and carried all the way back upstairs. THEN, you have to put it all away.

In short, being alive is hard work. Therefore, I feel like it's okay to take a day off and just not do anything important. Your hair can look like this:

And you can sit around with your feet up watching TV all day. Why? Because living is hard enough work without having to slave over a hot vacuum cleaner too.


lalaland13 said...

This is really bad, but I get motivated to tidy up when the apartment people come every month and spray my place for bugs. Last week was one of those times, so I cleared the floor and made most of my rooms passable.

I like to sing, "I don't want, want to be, a functional member of society" when I get up in the morning. Or rather, don't get up. You can also change it to "I don't want, want to be, a member of the Church of Scientology."

Jen said...

@lalaland13: Is that a real song, or something you made up? Either way, it sounds like my theme song.

I kind of wish I could be some sort of kept woman. Not a trophy wife, though - that sort of beauty routine is way beyond me.

I'm very impressed by the hair in the second picture. I didn't realize it was possible to style your hair into a hat/veil combo.

Greta said...

What!?!?! That's her real hair???...whoa. Fooled me.

My adviser would call ugly days "Binge Days," which is what boxers do. They take a day off to eat whatever they want, do whatever they want, and generally remind themselves that they can, indeed, stop hitting things for a little while.

I had a binge day this weekend. It entailed special treats, which included but was not limited to:
Eating about a square foot of O'Henry bars which I had deemed "not fit for human (read:other's) consumption."
Sitting on my couch to watch a documentary about Fundamentalist families w/ gay progeny
Another square foot of O'Henry bars

It was life affirming! Liberating! and a little bit Fatty!

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@lalaland13: I never clean up for the exterminator. He can just deal with it. The other day, I told him where we had a mouse and he responded by squirting that area with the bug spray. Um....that works. Or not.

@jen: It's a two-in-one combo for people who can't afford hats but do have an abundance of ugly hair.

@greta: No fair mentioning O'Henry bars if you didn't bring enough for all the commenters. And me. Most importantly me.

angiesyounglover said...

all of this is so true! and you didn't even mention that, with all this to do, you still have to get somewhere on time and be functional. gah.

yeah shaving is shitty. it can basically dictate your whole wardrobe choice on any given day. you could wake up and feel like today's a serious skirt day, but then realize, fuck, i didn't shave my legs last night and i don't have time to do it today. fuckity fuck. but once you do, the smoothness makes up for it! - until 5 minutes later, for some unexplainable reason, i'm back to my ol' rough self.
fuck life! let's just go pinkberry and end it!

ps: don't shave yo hair, it's pretty!

angiesyounglover said...

*go TO pinkberry.

peach said...

ayl, i strongly agree with your instinct. "pinkberry" should be a verb!

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

@ayl: I'm ALWAYS forgetting to shave. Or changing my outfit after deciding not to shave. If I could allow myself to be a hairy woman, I totally would. But...I can't.

And Peach is right. Pinkberry should be a verb.

Anonymous said...

OMG, that lady in the second picture has jellyfish hair! It looks like one just plopped down on top of her head.

And I am a firm believer in "ugly days." Although, I have no shame, so I'll go out in public looking crazy and unwashed. Thank goodness I'm not famous.