Friday, July 11, 2008
How to Date: Those Guys Who Just Stop Calling and Why It Is Wrong to Kill Them
Oh, hello. Is this Betsy?
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, Betsy, this is Trevor. Remember me?
Trevor, of course I remember you. Why are you calling?
I thought it might be nice of me to call and tell you that I would like to end our relationship. I feel it's only fair that I let you know before I date someone else.
Trevor, we've been married for six years. You can't just call me and tell me you want to see other people. We have children.
Well, Betsy. I was reading a very interesting magazine. Cosmopolitan, I think it was called... And it said that when you end a relationship, it's always polite to give the person a call and let them know. That way you can get your stuff back.
Cosmopolitan, eh? Let me guess, the November issue? Tell me, Trevor, are you calling from the upstairs bathroom? Where I keep my old magazines?
Because, if you are, why don't you just come downstairs so we can talk about this in person?
Uh. No, actually, I'm calling from a phone booth. Yeah, a phone booth.
Fine, if this is how you want to play it...
Now that I've got your attention, let's talk about when it IS appropriate to call someone and tell her (or him) that your relationship is over.
Now, I'm not going to pretend I'm innocent. I've recently "just never called back" a couple of guys I went out with only once. I admit it wasn't the kindest way to go about it. But sometimes it's just the easier option when things are awkward.
1) It gets your message across.
2) You don't have to explain why.
But one date is one date. It isn't a relationship, and let's face it, if you agree to see a person on more than one occasion and semi-acknowledge that you like that person, either by saying so or agreeing to engage in some sort of physical contact, then you are in a form of relationship. I don't care if you had that "Okay, but let's not get too serious about this" talk. You have to tell the other person it's over when it is.
So, this happened to me only once. I'm not bragging.
His name was Eric. And we actually had several really great dates before he just stopped calling. On the last of these dates, he had what I like to call a "personal malfunction." He was obviously embarrassed. I never heard from him again. I haven't gotten over it. It's been two years. What did he think I was going to do if he told me he didn't want to see me again? Cry? Throw myself off a building? Threaten to cut off his balls? No. I would have been hurt, but I wouldn't have hunted him down and sold his kidneys on Ebay. So what was he so afraid of? Confrontation? What a baby!
So, here is a lesson for dudes out there who are considering taking the easy way out of your relationship. Know that you could do this to someone who could potentially blog about your boner issues two years later because she is still hurt by you not calling.
Stories on this subject? Share them in the comments. Let's heal together.