Wednesday, July 2, 2008

And Now...A Sonnet from Fat Shakespeare: The Portly Bard



















Mine eyes doth feast upon your brisket;
My fork will follow suit.
Catch juices dripping with my bisquit;
Fill up my gut with fruit.
And then I'll taste that suckling pig;
And chew upon his tail.
Take you that tureen full of figs;
Bring me a jug of ale!
I'll take that flagon from your hand;
And fill it up with butter.
Tis me or is this meat pie bland?
Go toss it in the gutter!
Be this a whisker in this piece of fat?
You fiend! Dirty charlatan! Feeding me a rat!

8 comments:

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Fat Shakespeare, I asked you to write a love sonnet. This is basically a diary of what you ate last night. And your quatrains are terrible, just terrible. Do you even understand what a sonnet is? This is like a long version of a dirty limerick and food porn for gross people.

Fat Shakespeare: The Portly Bard said...

Mine Ladye,

You asked for a sonnet of love. I love eating brisket. And insult not my ability to write poetry. Obese King James once complimented not onlye my way with words, but on my egg salad as well.

My egg salad was deliiiiicious. I challenge you to find better, thou errant doghearted varlot!

Yours in pleasant plumpness,

Fat Shakespeare, the Portly Bard

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Uh, Fat Shakespeare, why are you adding e's to the ends of some of your words?

Fat Shakespeare: The Portly Bard said...

Dearest Maiden,

I add e's to the ends of words because her majesty, Elizabeth the Corpulent, wishes it so. "Widen our words as we widen our waistlines!" she sayeth.

Good daye,

Fat Shakespeare, the Portly Bard

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Okay, I'm going to need to read your next entry before you post it. Thanks.

Also, did you eat my pudding?

Fat Shakespeare: The Portly Bard said...

You loggerheaded foolborn pignut! Maketh not false accusations around me!

the dark lady said...

Zounds, I have been hit by a meat pie!

Who threw that?!

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Well, it certainly wasn't Fat Shakespeare. He would never waste food.