Friday, June 13, 2008

My Fortune and My Downfall














Last Tuesday, I woke to discover yellow water dripping from my bathroom ceiling.

"Eureka!" I cried.

At last I had discovered the springs of eternal life. And in my own home, too! I began to ponder my good fortune. I could make a lot of money. I could bottle the water and sell it. I could rent out my bathroom to the sick and the elderly and let them bathe themselves in the healing waters dripping from around my light fixture. I immediately called the building super. He would want to know about this! It might cure his baldness! I quickly put a bucket under the drip. I could not let one droplet of that water go to waste.

My super didn't answer his phone. I called my landlord, thinking he might like to share in the fortune.

"Quick!" I said, "get someone over here! The springs of eternal life are spouting from my ceiling!"

He promised to send somebody over right away and hung up.

Two hours later, a man with a ladder arrived. "I'm here to look at your ceiling," he said. I think he was from the Coronado Institute. He immediately went to work trying to discover the source of the springs. I left for work, promising him 5% of the profits I planned to make. Soon, I would be able to quit my job and bottle and sell my eternity water full time. Everything seemed to be coming together nicely.

But when I returned home later, the man was gone, the leak had stopped, and the bucket had been emptied. I was devastated. There went my fortune, stolen by a man posing as a representative of the Coronado Institute. All he left behind was his ladder, as if to taunt me. Maybe I will sell it on Ebay.

7 comments:

Rob said...

Obviously you shouldn't have lowballed this fellow. I believe 10% is the standard offer in this sort of situation.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Clearly you were part of the conspiracy as well.

Rob said...

I can't confirm or deny anything, except that you won't be seeing any profits from the spring of eternal life.

jody! said...

well, if ponce de león didn't make any money pushing florida swamp water as the fountain of youth in fifteenth century... i'm not entirely surprised that your bathroom water won't pass as the modern day eternal youth elixir as you so hoped.


i'm just keeping it real...

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

I am disgraced by your ability to look things up on Wikipedia, Jody.

If that is your real name.

jody! said...

you would know my real name if you bothered to check wikipedia. that's where the truth can be found...

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Oh, I know your real name, Ponce de Leon. So glad you found what you were looking for. Stay away from my bathroom.