Friday, June 27, 2008
Just Because You Can Wear It Doesn't Mean You Should
My wee sis and I used to play this game we called "Dress Up Ken." Where each of us would take a Ken doll, put him in a crazy outfit, count to five, turn around, and show the other person what Ken was wearing. Whoever got the loudest laugh won.
Ken wore every dress Barbie ever owned, toilet paper rolls, pieces of string, hair brushes, and live kittens. The shame our Ken dolls must have endured I cannot even imagine, even considering that, to begin with, Ken arrived in his box clad in a purple tank top and glittery pink floral swimming trunks.
I'm always reminded of this game when I hear someone say the words, "Well, if you've got it, flaunt it." Because although Ken had a rock-hard body, perfectly white sparkling teeth, and a sizeable plastic package, he looked completely ridiculous wearing two Ninja Turtles and a squirt gun.
So, let's talk about fashion choices.
I know that there are people out there who dress outside of what might be considered "the norm." Every time I see a person like that, I think to myself, "Go, person!" because I secretly admire some people's ability to be unafraid of scrutiny. Case and point, the love of my life, Eddie Izzard, comedian and transvestite.
But there are so many times when I see what someone is wearing and wonder just why he or she went with that particular outfit. Like the woman I saw this morning wearing tight white pants with pink underwear. Or the girl wearing hotpants on the subway the other day.
I don't know about everyone else, but my butt gets sweaty and sticks to the subway seat. And you know when you feel that happening, and someone sits down next to you, and you try to scoot over but can't because your butt is fused, and you know that if you move, your butt will make a squeaky unsticking noise and embarrass you? So you just kind of reposition your body so that your elbow isn't in the other person's lap? Butt stick is an airtight argument against hotpants on the subway. That and the fact that the subway is a dirty, dirty place. If you're wearing hotpants and sitting on the subway, your BARE butt is touching a place where homeless people nap and kids spill their ice cream.
So I get the idea behind the words, "If you've got it, flaunt it," but maybe it needs a bit of "rewording" in order to prevent embarrassment or a nasty case of Subway Crack. Rather, let's say, "If you've got it, flaunt it, but take a buddy and wrap it before you slap it." Also, live by the "Dress Up Ken" rule. If someone sees you and starts laughing, you've made a fashion error. Go home and fix it.