Monday, April 7, 2008

I'm Not an Alcoholic; Baseball Season Told Me to Drink All the Beer

What? All the beer is gone? Well, it certainly wasn't me who drank it.

Okay, it was me.

But baseball season has started, so I have an excuse. I drank it in a heated fit of passion during the 8th inning. And picked off all of my nail polish and ate a huge pile of M&Ms.

What do you mean you worry about my drinking? It was only those six bottles. Plus, the ten from last night. I needed those. The bases were loaded, and there were NO OUTS. What? Talking to the TV is perfectly normal. I wasn't arguing with the TV. Don't be ridiculous. I was arguing with the announcer guy. You know the one. The guy who's always repeating himself.

Don't even think about touching that remote. This tortilla chip has a very sharp edge and would make a great ninja star. Just back away now. That's right. Go back to what you were doing. Forget what you saw here...just forget what you saw...

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