Thursday, January 17, 2008
To the Honorable Mayor of Benville
Dear Unseemly Mayor of Benville,
Greetings from the most fabulous teriaki restaurant and casino of all time! I hope my letter finds you well, Mr. Mayor. I am enclosing a coupon that will get you a free dessert at the Von Butterick Casino Hotel and Teriaki Restaurant with the purchase of an entree. Do come by and try the stewed raisins in ham gravy with buttered onions. It's our chef's most special dessert.
I am also writing to cordially invite you to a very special event. Our first annual Ludwig Von Butterick Look-Alike Contest and Inseam Measuring will be taking place this Saturday from 7 AM until 7 AM on Sunday. Bring your appetite! Julio's House of Celery Tacos will be catering the event. And there will be lots of delicious things to sip as well, such as pickled garlic margaritas and sausage daiquiris. The open bar lasts from 3:45 to 4 AM, when I will personally be making an appearance as guest bartender! This is a formal event, so please dress your best.
I do apologize for demanding scratch-n-sniff stickers from you when I first arrived. That was terribly impolite and I have since burned the evidence I have against you. I want to build bridges between your community and my casino and teriaki restaurant. Literally, Mr. Mayor. Since I hope to provide employment to some of the citizens of Benville, I have plans to build a footbridge that starts in downtown Benville and leads directly into the hotel kitchens! If you will just sign the enclosed paperwork, I can get construction underway as soon as possible.
See you Saturday!
The Bridge Building CEO and Entrepreneur and Runner-Up for Butterick Times' Man of the Year,
Ludwig von Butterick