Thursday, September 13, 2007
To the Honorable Mayor of Benville
Dearest Mayor of Benville,
Greetings! Let me start this missive with an extremely nefarious laugh! Mwahaahahahahahahahahaha!
My name is Ludwig Von Butterick, and I am the president of an evil corporate takeover and scrapbooking club. I take over corporations. I take over towns. And then I document the whole thing in my scrapbook. No one can stop me.
Very recently I took over the glorious hamlet of Bethville. It recently came to my attention, via our club newsletter, that Bethville was overrun by zombies. So I have taken it upon myself to slowly turn it into a casino hotel and teriaki restaurant. A slightly wicked teriaki restaurant where people will be forced to eat their delicious teriaki with plastic utensils! Mwahahahahahahahahaha! And soy sauce will not be free of charge! And a 85% gratuity will be added to all parties of 5 or more!
Now that you know all about my evil plan, I can share the real reason for my letter. I heard a rumor that you have a secret storage facility there in Benville, where you keep a stockpile of scratch-n-sniff stickers. I MUST have these stickers for my scrapbook. If you don't give them to me, I will be forced to blackmail you. You see, I know something about you, Mayor of Benville. Something very dark indeed that will surely lead to your impeachment if it were to come to light.
Yours in evil,
Ludwig Von Butterick, President of Evil Corporate Takeover and Scrapbooking Club and General Meany