Friday, July 6, 2007

To the Honorable Mayor of Benville


Most Life-Saving Mayor of Benville,

Thank you ever so much for the use of your Zombiegone and please present the enclosed golf sweaters and crochet clamps to the Benville citizens who rescued me. I would have delivered my gifts of thanks personally, but unfortunately my mayoral mechanic, Alphonse, was turned into a zombie and is now lying facedown on the front lawn of the Bethville Public Library and Craft Emporium with half of his brain eaten away. Terribly unfortunate as he was an excellent mechanic. Anyway, the only vehicle that is currently in working order is the mayoral tandem bicycle, which is dreadfully difficult to pedal by one's self.

As you can imagine, Mr. Mayor, I am quite bored and lonely here in Bethville. Not one of the other Bethville residents was spared during the zombie attack. I am reminded of the now infamous Bethville Inquisition of 1987. Fortunately, that time, new residents were bussed in from Floydopolis after it burned down in a tragic welding accident. I suppose I will have to rely on my own devices to repopulate Bethville alone.

That said, Mr. Mayor, I am very sorry to hear of your affliction with ill-timed humor. I was always curious to know why you thought it was so terribly hilarious to carry around an ice cream cone at the Bethville Lactose Intolerance Awareness Parade and Square Dance, offering bites to all the attendees and shrieking with laughter. I thought perhaps you had been down at the Bethville Schnapps Emporium beforehand.

Anyway, I must get back to the First Annual Bethville Lonely Movie Watching and Popcorn Eating. Do drop by one of these days.

Sincerely,

The Very, Very, Very Lonely and Thankfully Sinus Congested Mayor of Bethville

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