Monday, May 7, 2007
To the Most Illustrious Mayor of Tansalton
Note: My friend Tansal has joined the mayoral letter writing alliance.
Most Illustrious Mayor of Tansalton,
Thank you so much for the basket of muffins that you left on the steps of the Bethville town hall this morning. I had no idea that you were such an accomplished basket weaver. And thank you as well for the charming photographs of your poodle in his ballet costume. While I'm sure he's a wonderful dancer, I am afraid that I have cast all the parts for the Bethville Playhouse all-canine production of Julius Caesar. Perhaps next season.
I heard recently, Mr. Mayor, that you are facing some issues with nearby Curleyburg, that the Curleyburg landfill has started to overflow with garbage and that the spillage has infused your water supply with the flavor of horse manure. I've been terribly disheartened to hear this news, so I am sending over the best wheelbarrow in Bethville to assist with the cleanup of said landfill. I would send over some laborers as well, but unfortunately, all the Bethville gardeners are currently incarcerated for money laundering.
That said, Mr. Mayor, I am also writing to extend you an invitation to the Bethville Kitten Grooming and Banana Cream Pie Jubilee. It takes place on April 29 and begins at 2:30 in the afternoon. Grooming supplies will be provided by Bethville Groomers, Spa, and Haircut Emporium. You will need to bring your own kitten, however. Do come and join in the festivities! I insist, as I have been able to forgive you for the unfortunate incident at the 2005 Bethville Horse Castration and Potluck.
The Honorable, Forgiving, and Licorice-Scented Mayor of Bethville