Wednesday, May 9, 2007
To the Illustrious Mayor of Tansalton
Dear Mayor of Tansalton,
I would be honored to attend the 13th Annual Pot-Belly Pig Appreciation Society Punch Party and Curly Fries Fry-Off, but unfortunately, I have a previous engagement on that day. It seems the Mayor of Erikaville has scheduled the Semi-Annual Erikaville Cock Fight and Recreational Cocaine Snorting for that afternoon, and I am scheduled to picket it. I feel it is my duty as a civil servant to share my deep disapproval of the forms of entertainment in Erikaville. I knew when she originated the Erikaville Unfiltered Cigarette Smoke-Off and Stuffed Animal Beheading in 2003, that there would be lots of trouble between Bethville and Erikaville.
Mr. Mayor, I'm afraid that the wheelbarrow you returned with your letter is not the wheelbarrow I loaned to you. In fact, it is not a wheelbarrow at all, but a box of Turkish tea biscuits. As much as I enjoy tea biscuits, whether from Turkey or anywhere else in the world, I really do need that wheelbarrow back as it's where I store my mayoral paycheck stubs and kitty litter. Please send the actual wheelbarrow back to me as soon as possible. I will be wearing my contact lenses this time.
I'm sorry to hear that negotiations with Curleyburg are not going your way. I find that when I have a mayoral disagreement, it is helpful to write a strongly-worded letter. Do let me know if you need any pointers.
I am enclosing a darling doggie outfit for the charming Fantasia. I hope he likes the little silver booties. They were crafted from recycled aluminum foil. Saving the environment is one of my top priorities in Bethville.
The Mayor of Bethville, Strong Supporter of Recycling and Not Letting Sea Gulls Eat Those Plastic 6-Pack Thingys