Tuesday, May 8, 2007

To the Exalted Mayor of Bethville

Dearest and Most Generous Mayor of Bethville,

Thank you ever so much for allowing us the use of your wheelbarrow. I especially appreciated the flame decal, which makes it seem like one is shoveling shit a whole lot faster, thereby minimizing the unpleasantness of the task at hand. I sincerely hope you aren't offended by my coarse language, but when one deals with a chronic ghastly problem as we here in the enclave of Tansalton have been for over a year now, one gradually dispenses with the niceties.

I am concerned that my inclusion of the photographs of our beloved Official Township Poodle, Fantasia, may have been too forward. If it had been up to me, I would not have pressed the issue at all. However, Fantasia is up for contract renewal this month, and the negotiations have been contentious. You see, our Official Township Theater Company and Ballet Troupe Playhouse and Cafe is only able to mount one show quarterly, and this leaves Fantasia with very few opportunities within Tansalton. I was hoping to organize events with nearby playhouses as a way of retaining him. My constituents need a figure to help inspire their hopes and dreams, especially with the three-year-long redistricting battle with nearby Curleyburg with no resolution in sight.

I do sincerely apologize for missing the Bethville Kitten Grooming and Banana Cream Pie Jubilee. Aside from not wanting to further antagonize Fantasia by consorting with kittens, it just so happened to coincide with our 10th Annual Tansalton Volunteer Rescue Workers Benefit and Celebrity Rug Toss. Matt Damon was a surprise guest. However, as a conciliatory measure, I cordially invite you to our 13th Annual Pot-Belly Pig Appreciation Society Punch Party and Curly-Fries Fry Off, on May 19th at 2 PM. Kindly RSVP with my assistant, Ms. I. Gore.

Signed with deepest respect and admiration,

The Afflicted Yet Ever Pleasant Mayor of Tansalton

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